I came out with this thought a couple of years back but didn't share it with many of my friends... i shared it with Carrot, Catherine, Kok Wee & Winnie recently...
It is an alternative way of viewing stages of life...
The most common way is by a chinese proverb... 生老病死; it means we born, age, sick & pass on...
1st stage: "When we are growing up, family is my everything..."
When we all came to this world, small & delicate... the only ppl we know is our family... we stick closely to them. If they were to leave the house even for awhile, we couldn't hold back our tears and cry like it is the end of the world...
When young, my mother was a full time housewife and i never left her side at all... Until the age of 3+yo, my mum couldn't stand my dad, she grabbed my brother and left the house... it was in my life dat i ever cried out so hard before... my mum is an impt woman in my life and she is the only one still alive out of the top 3... the other 2 are my maternal and paternal grandmothers... the happiest moments of my childhood were time spent together with my mum and her mum... the saddest moments were to leave them and stay with my dad and his mum...
2nd stage: "When we are yet to grow up, friends are more impt that my family..."
As we grow older and able to go out of the house by ourselves, we got to know friends from various places. We start to neglect our family members. We feel dat friends knows me best and we don't need to live with them at all. The best thing is... we can choose whichever friends to go out with but we are not given a choice when it comes to family. It is common for a mindset of a youth to think this way... when we see something new and fresh, we start to put what we have aside...
I lead my secondary, poly and national life life this way... sometimes i hardly communicate with my parents on a daily basis... from visiting my mum on a monthly routine, becomes once every few months... i had so much frens, joined so much activities to enrich myself and study for my exams... very often, i would talk against my dad over small issues... i was so busy dat i even forget to lift my head up to see at the night sky... i was dazzled by the beauty of the night sky and found dat i didn't appreciate it for almost 2-3years...
3rd stage: "When we have grown up, family starts to be more important than friends..."
As our parents grow older and weaker, they need some1 to take care of them... as their child, we ought to take up this responsibility... we can have alot of friends on our life, but we all only can have 1 birth dad and 1 birth mum... once they are gone, they could only stay in our heart and memories...
Also we settle down, got a life partner and have offspring... our child is so small and cute... with so much commitments, we would put priority on family & career over friends... they also have their responsibilities to attend to too...
Many of us would be moving between stage 2 and stage 3 before reaching stage 4... whether when we will be able to advance to stage 3, it all depends on the encounters in our lives... some ppl might not be able to reach stage 3 at all and would jump right into stage 4...
For myself, taking care of my younger sister made me understand that parenting isn't a simple task and felt dat i might have given my parents the same set of problems too... plus my mum with stroke and my dad with cancer... all these events made me advanced to stage 3... now i would meet up my mother once or more per week for a simple dinner... I also stop talking against my dad as much as possible too... i also realise dat i am an average person like everyone else on this world... we were all very lucky ppl to be able to share this piece of wonderful land, sky and sea together... we r brought together by fate to meet and know each other better... and it is a great fortune dat we still have our family with us... there are many ppl being brought to this world, without any kin at all...
Stage 4: "When we have grown old, family or myself is my everything again."
As we age, we grown weak and need some1 to take care of us... very often, it would be our family members... as ppl around us pass away 1 by 1, we would have less frens... we also lack the energy and drive to travel around so much as before, we will be bound within our neighborhood. Right by our deathbeds or funeral, only family, relatives and close frens will be there crying.
I felt it this way when some of my relatives pass away... seeing how both my grandmothers grown older and older day by day, year after year... blamed myself for not showing more love & attention to them when they were still around... it is a wake up call, dat i still can show more love to the reminding family members who are still alive... =D
we came to this world crying, with the rest of the world smiling...
we left this world smiling, with the rest of the world crying...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 11:35 PM
Saw this vid from xinmsn...
it is indeed an eye opener for me on premium beef...
ha... all along i tot kobe beef is the top beef & is it a separate class from wa-gyu... i am so wrong...
behold~! matsuzaka beef~!! i'll put in down on 1-of-the-things-to-do-b4-i-die-list
Check out this great MSN video: Food Notes 上食堂 Episode 1
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 9:07 AM
Like any1 on earth, behind my usual smiling outlook... i do sometimes and not often get depressed over small issues...
to keep myself feeling being positive, i would always think in this manner. sum up the entire set of problems dat i would encounter in my lifetime divide it by the sum of problems everyone else on earth, then it would be very close to zero.... same goes to my knowledge too... after the division, it would be close to zero...
or i would look at the stars on the sky, to relax my mind... stars r massive bodies but yet they were nothing but a dot on the galaxy... they r so beautiful, but yet they will end up being a black hole... & if u r lucky, u might see a shooting star... my highest record was to see 4 shooting stars within 3hours...
if i am really tired and have the luxury of time, i could really sleep for hours...
i do know some people have other methods to stay positive... eg by comparing their situation with some1 who is in a worse condition. This will make themselves feel better... this method is out of my practice coz i couldn't get pass my consciences for doing this...
The top 4 things dat can really depress me (ranking from most top least):
1) Love
2) Moral values
3) Money
4) External factors
Love is indeed a death trap for many ppl... so many famous ppl in history has lost alot of things (empire, title, money, reputation & own life etc) over love... Yet love can be a wonderful thing... i guess ppl who control their emotions well will triumph over love...
For myself, I am still a loser to love at the moment... to me, love is like a dream... once u wake up... u will find urself no longer in love anymore... then u will need to go back to dream again soon... it is always my habit dat i would choose to step out of love once i know dat i am in the wrong field...
Moral values set by myself usually prick me less deeply than love but it happens more frequently... every actions we all do...(eg telling a lie, hurting some1 or falling in love with the wrong person etc...) i would review it with my own moral values... this is called the "3-mirrors" in Confucianism... to review myself, others and surroundings... using the past & present experiences to manage my future... setting directions right by the start of each day.... then review at the end of it...
Money... the root of evil & greed grows on money... i always set aside a sum of money to prepare for rainy days from each payroll... the surplus will be spent to indulge myself... this factor has not been a major problem to me since i cleared off my bank loan for my tertiary loans...
External factors... in fact, they work internal for all of us... they exist as food or drinks... i would call them as drugs... stimulants or depressants...
Chocolates (Stimulant)... like sweets, it can make us happy... i have tried to consume alot of chocolates in a day before, then the next day without it... i felt like a part of me is missing... so moderate consumption should be fine... btw, it is also an anti-oxidant, it can help to slow down aging process...
Alcohol (Depressant)... it can make people high and happy, but if u sleep over it... u might get hangover (headaches or stirring stomach). Also imagine u last rmb dat u were at the top of the world last night, then u woke up seeing urself back to ground level. This feeling do suck, making a person lifeless... Depressants would slow down some body functions of the body. On a severe case, it will give suicidal thoughts to the consumers...
if i ever see me walking out of u, dun be too shocked or surprised... i just need the time to sort myself out... but if it is period longer than 2-3days, it is either i 4got abt u (Ooops~!) or i am trying to avoid u (this means u haf hit on at least 2 of the toplist dat will taunt me)... i guess this is me all along...
i always feel dat depression is the 1 of the fuel for anger... so isolation would be the best approach for myself... b4 i do anything dat i would regret after that...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 8:41 PM
-Warning: do not read this while having consuming any food. Do it at ur own expense-
Today is to share some "motion" stories...
Let's start with a question: We often use knives to cut meat, then what can we cut by using meat? To be revealed in the end...
1) Toilet bowls...
The sit or squat toilet bowls r the most common ones left in modern cities nowadays... of coz, in Singapore & most countries...
sit-on bowls has gain more popularity over the squat ones... it is considered more comfortable and for some reasons, most ladies prefer it...
as for me, i would prefer the squat bowls...
first, i feel that it is better dat i dun haf any contact with the toilet bowl as much as possible... most Singapore guys less considerate over public properties... i do see urine or unknown stains on the toilet seats...
second, in squatting position, i am able to use little pressure to force the projectile out from the launcher... also the splash effect of the water wouldn't get in contact with my 2 cushioning...
2) The output...
According some people, the appearance of the waste is a clear indication of our body conditions. Hard & small ones... like pellets usually mean lack of water intake, though the urine color & frequency of clearing ur waste can also show dat...
Watery & soft... like paste... a clear indication of food poisoning or sensitive bowels... i would spend the time thinking where it could haf gone wrong while squatting...
If it floats, means u been eating a fair share of fibre over meat... this is a good sign too...
If it is dirty green, it means u r too stressed or tensed up... try to relax & enjoy life alittle...
There are ppl will look at the condition abt their waste & decide what kind of food they will consume for that day...
3) Washing your hands...
Most ppl tend to wash their hands after they r done & some even didn't bother... some common excuses r "i 4got", "save time", "save water" etc... might as well save the time or 4get abt going to the toilet... for me, very often i would wash my hands before & after clearing my bio-harzard...
4) Time to do it...
For my mum, she says it has to be done everyday morning then she will shower after that... to her waste of ytd must be cleared at the start of today & also we will be able to accept today's food better...
my brother practices it too... i'm the odd 1 out... coz i like to sleep till the last minute... haha... usually i would do it after a meal... if u ever see me smiling brightly after going to the toilet, most likely i had just done the big one... feeling lighter with less load to carry around... it is a blissful joy to me...
Btw, the answer to my question is feaces. Explanation: We will use 2 rectum muscles to cut long feaces off... muscles = meat =)
Do u know Chinese & Japanese will use big or small one to define the activities, so that we would let our frens know roughly how long they need to wait & avoid the "live firing" zone as much as possible...
There is a old chinese saying... loud fart... mean usually stinks, but a silent fart... stinks like hell...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 6:03 PM
Saw this on youtube today...
brought back so much memories of my primary sch days...
the lyrics didn't make any senses to me when i was much younger... haha...
For those who dun understand mandarin, there's the english translation...
Btw, this version dat i shared is not by the original singer... coz this version comes with the best quality...
Where is the Way? 敢问路在何方？
Lyrics
You're carrying the luggage,I'm leading the horse
Welcome the sunrise and pack off the sunset glow
Stamp the rough roads flat and make them wider
Overcome the hardships,then walk on
Go on
From spring to winter year after year
Go through the joys and sorrows of life
Where is the way?
The way is just under the feet
Where is the way?
The way is just under the feet
I feel that this song gives positive energy to me...
even if roads r rough, we will make a way out of it...
it is telling us... regardless how long it takes, we have to go on...
the right way is just right over our feet, if we want to move on...
Stay positive... & a way will be right ahead for u...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 10:48 PM
"The best parent is the 1 who cant love their children anymore...
The best child is the 1 who cant love their parents anymore..."
I got 1st part of this thought from my mum... she still misses my grandma alot even though my grandmother has passed on 5years ago... to my mum, my grandma is the best mother in the world... while to me, my grandma is the best in world also... she is my number idol when it comes to principles of life... she taught me alot & i learnt alot from her too...
I also felt it from my niece and nephew who lost their mum 4yrs back... to them, my sister is the best mother in the world... but if my sister is still alive today, she might be nagging at them everyday... so both of them might not feel the value of this statement at all...
As for the 2nd part of this thought... i got it from my father's mum, my paternal grandma... she's 1 of the fiercest woman i ever came across in my life... canning sessions by her once every few days during my childhood is a normal routine for me...
The most softest side of her came to my mind was when she knew that his only daughter has passed away... she stayed in her room and cried alone for 1 whole week... ever since then until the day she passed away in 18 Aug 2000, she would still mentioned her memories abt my auntie, her only daughter...
According to my uncle and dad, my grandma beats up my auntie often when my auntie is young... to my grandma, she always put boys over girls like most traditional chinese families... yet she suffered so much over the dead of her daughter...
it does hurt my heart when i always blamed her for beating me up when i was young... maybe that is her way of loving me... she wants me to be a useful person in life... yet i was so wrong about her...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 9:01 PM
I saw this photo on my fren's facebook wall today...
This pic has stirred a great amount of disturbances on ppl's reactions... i saw some ppl's sharing the picture on their blog & wanted to trace these 2 guys out... lots of ppl scolding and insulting them too... all sorts of cruel punishments were proposed...
After seeing all the reactions... i smiled... ppl made too much assumptions by just a picture...
i felt dat maybe this picture could have been taken very long ago, by now these 2 guys could have become adults or elderly by now... or maybe this picture is photo-edited...
Then... i start to see this whole issue from another angle... it pinches me to see dat our society still lacks forgiveness for these 2 guys...
Yes, I do agree dat it is ok to grab these 2 guys out... but improper punishments would not undo what they have committed... a counseling session or social service work order might be more appropriate...
Besides... i believe most of us could have done an evenly or worse action than this b4...
For my case, when i was much younger... (hey, i'm still young ok? =P) i would catch insects & kept them till they die off...
Another case of mine, i would go to a big drain near my home to catch small fishes & crabs... sometimes i would feed my catches to my terrapin at home... there's a thrill to see my terrapin gets excited over food...
these r considered as hobbies by current norm... but if we were to take a step back & see these acts from another angle, isn't this considered as cruelty to animals too?
We, humans, has committed far more cruel acts than this before...
- Chinese drinking sharkfins on special occasions...
- Japanese massive killing of dolphins and whales...
- KFC cruelty to chicken before slaughtering them...
- Korea is farming dogs as a food source...
- Animal fur production in China...
- Foie gras production cruelty by Europeans
This list can really go on & on...
Everyday on average 25 species are extinct, most r caused by the changes in their environment... & wanna guess who changes the environment ?
Let's see this pic from another angle...
if it is a fish that they r holding, isn't it also cruelty to animals with intention?
if the 2 person inside is a close fren or kin, will the viewers able to stay consistent with their comments?
Of coz, I am not encouraging such acts to be cruel to animals... but it tickles me off when the pots may be calling the kettle black...
Here's a funny talkshow by 1 of my favourite comedian... George Carlin abt "Saving the Environment"
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 3:34 PM
I dreamed of this last night... after i woke up... several thoughts cloud my mind...
-dream-
It was the last night at a chalet, everyone left except for me & another fren will be checking out the next day...
Something cropped up for him & he needs to handle it... so he left & promised that he will be back...
After a long wait, i noticed dat it was getting rather late & he was not contactable via handphone...
I thought dat he might haf played me out & i dozed off in the living room as i wait...
The morning came and i woke up... i checked my handphone...
To my disappointment there's no messages from him...
Next i went to the open the door and to my surprise, he sat down there alone by himself shivering... he said dat he's feeling very cold & hungry...
I asked, why didn't he wake me up...
He replied, becoz he came back pretty late, knew dat i'm very tired and dun want to disturb me...
My heart softened totally & loss for words... & pat on his shoulder with a smile...
-end of dream-
When i woke up, i felt really bad for my actions in the dream... but fortunately, it is only a dream...
i blame the me inside the dream for doubting the fren... i should be worried abt my fren's safety when he is not contactable... yet i chose to wait till i dozed off...
the fren in the dream... volunteered to stay with me while the rest left... & put my comfort at his own expense... he is indeed a worthy fren...
Putting dreams aside, dat fren is some1 dat i know i can trust alot in real life..
I must be silly to get depress over a dream... but if it really happens to me in real life... i don't think i'll be able to forgive myself...
This dream kinda reminded me of 2 chalet sessions; last month & 3yrs back...
coz it happened at the same place... the layout is the same chalet i went last month... while a similar incident happened 3yrs back
i might haf reacted this way in the dream coz on the last night, a ger was supposed to come back to stay over the last night with another fren & me... we trust dat she will be back, coz she left a set of clothes at the chalet...
when it got late, she was totally not contactable via handphone... we got worried abt her & even tried to contact her boyfriend... as we knew dat she was out with her boyfren...
without much leads, we all gave up... coz none of us know where she lives... plus she's with her boyfren... if they r in trouble, either 1 of them could easily contact us...
the next day, we saw her online in the game... so we knew dat she's safe... she also didn't bother to explain anything for her act... she was already an adult yet behave in such manner..
it was quite an irresponsible act to commit... coz she really got us worried abt her...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 10:21 PM
I sharing this note from a guy called Lai Jun Wei... a very beautiful & meaning msg...
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt b...cos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)
I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.
"All my life, I've been the pencil.. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have..."
This is to all the parents out there...
+ Bryan Lee updated @ 10:18 PM
