:: Thoughts of the day ::

recently, my rm in pgp been infested with ants. i even followed the trail made my the ants and found the source is from my neighbour's rm. as i observed the ants moving in my rm, a series of thinking struck my head again, to write this blog.

ants r the largest population in this world. they work in a simple hierachy system, mainly the queen ant, the workers and the eggs. to me, the ants has the best network organisation in terms of co-operation. all the workers are destinated to work hard for the queen since the day they are borned, till the day they perished. all the workers only knows how to serve the queen and their organisation, and expand their area as their population spreads open like an umbrella. they just work without putting any interest in self or others, only for the queen. they also help to nuture the eggs till the eggs hatch and join into the force. as for the queen, she is mainly responsible to hatch more eggs and leave the rest of the tasks to the workers. on rainy days, the workers will bring the queen, dat they worship, to another safe place. once the queen dies, all the workers will not survive for more than a week and the entire colony will be wiped out.

all the ants worship the queen like their god and to the queen, the worker is just another ant. the queen has a lifespan longer than its' workers, so she will witness the life and death of her workers. however, being the one who granted the workers life, she just let this lifecycle goes on and on. when an ant dies, the queen just accept it as part of the cycle and will not feel a pinch as all. when the queen dies, all the workers will end their lifes for the sake of her grace.

if u ever try to ruin an ant body and just enough for it to move, the ant will surely head back to the direction where its' base is, to see the last sight of the queen. however, the ant will be turned into the food for the colony before it gets a chance to see the queen. also, many ants never get a chance to see the queen ant at all, except for a few.

in my personal opinion, to the ant, the queen is its' god, its' idol, its' life. to the queen, an ant is just her worker, her slave, her nothing. the ant is willing to brave thru hardship and long distances, in return gain nothing but only a chance to live. the ant is willing to brave thru like these becoz it strongly believe dat the queen is all mighty and love it.

this blog is very against the queen ant but this event is definitely true and happens around us every moment. in our human community, similiar trends also exist but fortunately, humans are granted with power to think more. however, all humans have their own weaknesses and so many would still follow the same life like the ants.

being in the colony enables us to feel our sense of belonging and find the value of living, but this is not just the only way to find the same reasons.

so try asking urself, whether are u part of this ant trap? if you think are, do u want to break free? all the decision lies within your own hands...whether to free urself and be a master of ur own or to serve the queen all the way.


+ BL updated @ 9:34 PM

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:: Luv In NUS No. 38 ::

if u gimme a sec,
i will give u my brightest smile to lighten ur mood.

if u gimme a min,
i will tell u a joke to relif ur stress.

if u gimme an hr,
i will fix u a meal to fill ur stomach with luv.

if u gimme a day,
i will do the things with u & make it unforgetable.

if u gimme a week,
i will make all 7 days special for us.

if u gimme a month,
i will bring u to see the moon and stars every night.

if u gimme a lifetime,
i will show u how strong our luv can be.


+ BL updated @ 1:56 AM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

"Everyone is both a student and teacher, no matter how young we are."

typically in life, age is often associated with wisdom and authority. it is our culture of education system dat made us think this way. from sch, teachers are always older than us and hod are always very experienced ones with long service award. in working life, those sitting on top are those with at least some white hairs. in our family, the more senior members are the ones making decisions.

however, i feel dat we should not restrict ourselves by age. let's look at the profs in nus for example, some of them are much younger than the pHD and master students. we should focus on the knowledge and experience level of a person and not gauge them by age only.

to me, being a gd student will be one who is capable of absorbing and holding a high amount of knowledge. whether a student is able to transform into a gd teacher, this will be based on his/her willingness to learn to be one. a healthy supply of willingness and determination are both the vital quality for a gd student. wat i mean here is a student in life, do not only restrict to the education system.

it is very easy for anyone to be a teacher, by just sharing his/her thoughts, but will this information be wasted or appreciated, it will all depends on the receiving party. to be a gd teacher, one must learn to understand his/her students and think at the same point of view as much as possible, then slowly guide them to the same level of thinking the teacher wishes his/her students to be. this statement above is only a general guide dat can be appiled to most students. a case for a teacher without the same level of thinking and understanding is like a chinese teacher speaking only mandrain to a class of English speaking students. a gd teacher also should never give up on his/her students, unless they give up on themselves.

let me share an example in life dat how a kid can also be a great teacher in life. we often feel dat our life is miserable and tough, while a kid can happily lead his/her life with laughter almost very moment. the reason, i believe, is becoz a kid knows how to let go of the unuseful thoughts. some ppl likes to bear grudges and hold on to it tightly, indirectly they are just making their and other lives miserable. we should learn from a kid in this area and this world will be happier.

"As an adult, we have to learn to lead our lives like flying a kite."
there are certain times, we need to tension the string and times we have to let go, so dat our kites can fly high and far. too much tension will result in breakage of the string, while letting go too much, the kite will only down. in other words, we have to do the right thing at the right time, to be successful.


+ BL updated @ 11:07 AM

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:: A luvfool blog ::

luv can make u happy even when dat person is standing beside u doing nuthing.
luv can make u remember almost everything dat person do.
luv can make u sigh when dat person is not ard with u.
luv can make u mention dat person more than others.
luv can make u think of dat person no matter wat u do.
luv can make u wanna share all ur bits & pieces of life with dat person.
luv can make u do things dat u dislike totally for dat person.
luv can make u do things u dun normally do for dat person.
luv can make u strong and totally weak becoz of dat person.
luv can make u look for dat person without dat person asking to.
luv can make u share all ur skills with dat person.
luv can make u sing luv songs by urself.
luv can make u wanna share/give everything u got with/to dat person.
luv can make u forgive dat person even if dat person shout "i hate u" to u.
luv can make u totally remember all the sweet things dat person did for u.
luv can make u feel great for everything u do for dat person.
luv can make u do more for dat person.
luv can make u forget all ur pain by only thinking of dat person.
luv can make u forget abt all the wrong things dat person has done for you.
luv can make u feel the same emotion as dat person.
luv can make u wan to be only with dat person.
luv can make u wan to do the same thing as dat person.
luv can make u wan support dat person in everything dat person do.
luv can make u grow curious abt dat person's life.
luv can make u do things even u know it is wrong.
luv can make u wan dat person to be the 1st to all the good things in ur life.

when u r bored, the person will come to ur mind 1st.
when u r happy, u will wan to share with dat person.
when u r sad, u will wan to talk to dat person.
when u r crying, u will wan to embrace dat person.
when u r angry, dat person will never get a chance to see it.
when u r depress with dat person, u will hide urself for a time being from dat person and appear in dat person's life again later.

dat person soften all the hard feelings u got.
u dun need to know u have fallen in luv, even when u r in it.
u dun need to understand luv, u will juz do it.
if a name appeared in ur mind when reading these, then u r in luv with dat person.
i hope dat the person dat u r thinking of, is thinking of u while reading all these.
i have been thinking of one while reading this, but will...*still a mystery*

...true luv vs selfish luv...
true luv will make u do things dat r best for both of u or even for dat person only.
selfish luv will make u do things more for ur own gd.

true luv will only wan to give without taking.
selfish luv will only take and take.

true luv will bring forgiveness.
forgiveness comes from a kind heart.
a kind heart gives pure luv.
pure luv gives enough living space for both.

selfish luv will bring jealousness.
jealousness comes from a narrow heart.
a narrow heart gives hatral.
hatral gives not enough living space for both.


both luv will can make u feel pain, becoz it is a sign dat u really care.
if luv is not enough, u will surely give it up totally.

if ur luv is pure, it will never turn into hatral. though it happens very often.
do not restrict urself to any conventions in life.
it is sad when u cannot luv back dat person, but it is even more depressing if u force urself not to luv.
*sighzzzZZZzzz* (my very 1st sigh in yr2005 and biggest one in my life for all those who cannot receive luv back.)

from a luvfool's heart....s17ail...


+ BL updated @ 3:56 AM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

"One for all, all for one." - Various sources; zen, army, fullmetal alchemist & my sec 2 english teacher.

very often, this statement is used when a punishment is given to a collective group of ppl during secondary school life or army. however, the true and hidden meaning of this statement are being misused.

i was first being enlightened when i was watching fullmetal alchemist. then, i did some further research thru the internet and found similiar forms of this statement from zen, reiki powers and physical chemistry. i was atonished dat how profound this simple statement actually means, if u did not evaluate this well enough.

reiki is a study to relate self with the nature, blending ourself as part of the nature. tapping energy from the nature and returning to peace to the mind. i haf started to learn more abt reiki power on and off, since 1999. this is not a very common practice in singapore and also quite rare in its original place, japan. in the point of view of reiki powers, "one" is termed as the universe and "all" is termed as everything dat made up this unverse.

zen is a teaching of self-developement by observing the universe. everyday many events take place around us, our surroundings in short. zen allows us to see the mistakes made or the things done by others or self and aqquire a lesson thru it. others are not only limited to humans but all matters in the universe; plants, elements etc. matters dat takes on physical forms in life. in modern terms, zen can be defined under history. We obtained knowledge from "one" and we share our knowledge back to "one".

in part of physical chemistry, we studied on how energy is being transferred from a system to the surrounding/universe. in this area, we are more concern of the pressure, work done and energy flow between "one" and "all", the impact both influenced each other. for many scientists and engineers, we know dat for convenience sake, a single system has near zero impact on the universe but if all the systems are sum up, the impact would be a great deal.

in my own content, together with my knowledge of reiki, zen and physical chemistry, "one universe for all of us", in more details, the universe provided us with all the needs in life, such as physical (food, water, air, health) & mental (i have mentioned this in the previous entry and entertainment) support. "all of us for one universe", means we will return something back to the universe everyday. as we passed away our body will be reduced to food or useful materials for other beings and we served as memories in the mind of others. when we r alive, we actually shed small pieces of skin and died cells everyday, these small died cells are gd source of food for mirco-organisms. also, our human wastes gives food for other animals. we also create useful information and work to share with others too.


+ BL updated @ 5:38 PM

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"Limits are imposed by those who say no."
"Other ppl can block our path all they want, but they can never always be there to stop us from moving on forever."
"there is no right or wrong in the choices we make in life, there is only the one dat we believe in for good, better or best then."

before i start sharing my thoughts, lemme share a true experiment. have u ever catch a flea and keep it inside a clear jug? well if u did, u will be amazed by how high a flea can jump at first. then next, u might be laughing at the flea for jumping so high, dat everytime it will hit the lid of the jug. after 1hr, u will see the flea keep jumping and banging its head on the lid also. after 2 hrs, the flea will keep jumping and knocking its head on the lid. after 3-4+hr later, the flea will not stop jumping but this time, it will stop at abt an inch under the lid. if u remove the lid, it will take the flea some time for it to incease its jumping height and finally out of the jug.

from this story, we can see dat the flea is highly determined to jump out of the jug. so let us take the flea as a role model in life and let us get out of any tough situation we are placed in life. in some tough situations, we cant just escape from it so soon, as many would normally do, and all we need is to spend some time in it. so we need to wait till the problem is over, then we can get out of it. like the flea, we should never stop trying to get out of the jug, rather than to give up and wait at the bottom till our last breath. we should be also aware of the pain/loss we could receive/make and avoid it as much as possible.

humans are negative beings by default, unless u r a factory defect :P. u can only find default positive beings in mental hospitals. not only dat, very often we would obstruct the developement of others by giving them negative thoughts. how well we can rinse ourselves from all such negatives thoughts, be it from self or others, it is up to our own management and methods we employ. u would be fortunate, if there is/are ppl to support u.

in life, all humans will depend on something as their mental support. religion, beliefs, culture, people, objects, self, money, goals, thoughts, luck and other imaginary things, all these are very popular mental support for our human spirit. they r like food for our soul to grow, be strong and healthy. regardless of which one/s u choose as to be ur mental support, u have to strongly believe dat it can bring u happiness first. for me, i chose to believe dat people r my mental support, dat is why i always like to make my frenz to be happy and for those dat i value more to be happier :). so the best way to knowledge me as ur fren is to stay happy with me and share ur thoughts with me. if u also choose people as ur mental support, u got to be cautious abt the choice u make 1st before u make a heavy investment. we often we see ppl getting cheated, betrayed etc, becoz we neglect the feelings of the person/s in the 1st place. when we place ur trust on our ppl, did it reach their heart? if it did not, then u will surely get negative results in the end. when we r get intentionally cheated by ppl we trust, we are responsible to take most of the faults, instead of crying out to gain pity from others. it is becoz we made the choice in the 1st place and not them. they can induce or seduce urs, but the choice still ours to make. in the end, it is only their losses for not appreciating us.


+ BL updated @ 4:27 AM

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:: Blackout again? so soon? ::

oh no...pgpr has blackout again juz after 1 night of peace. currently, the current has yet to return back to my room. So i'm camping in biz area with my beloved lappy and some blood-fetish creatures. this area is sure cold. i cant on my music, coz this lappy dun have any mp3s. my eyes r closing on me soon, coz i wake up 5am this morning to make almond chocolate jelly for my csc frenz. here is very quiet and still, dat i know how cars passed by me.

it's been so long ever i had this kind of feeling as in, sitting at a void deck, with nothing to worry abt. so much peace dat i would find with no spinning sound of the ceiling fan, no music from my speakers, with no assignment to do etc. so carefree, felt so free and with inner peace achieved. this feeling maybe boring but i can feel dat my mind is very clear. i felt so sleepy but a force is keeping me awake to stay in here. a force dat goes me motivation to drive myself. a force dat is very nearby and i'm been waiting for...the force dat gives me strength to go on...

okay...think i went too deep in depth into my inner thoughts again, dat dun think many could understand. in short, i wanna say is, in life no matter wat u do, u muz find it meaningful and worthwhile to get the best out of it.


+ BL updated @ 10:56 PM

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:: PGPR blk 20 & 21 blackout~! ::

after my long outing with my frenz, thinking dat i could take a nice shower and surf the net, i reached my hostel and found dat there was no power supply in my rm...i tried to knock on the neighbours' doors to check if am i the only one being affect but no one was in except me. my next measure was to go to the security post to file a report and the security guard told me dat it will be fixed within a few hrs, so patiently went back my rm to wait.

i took out the walkman dat i bought 2 weeks ago, went thru the memory coz and listened to my favourite cassette tape until i doze off (inside got alot of songs dat we cant find in any other forms. the tape was first cassette dat i brought many many yrs ago). i slept on the beak cold floor becoz my body was too dirty, so i dun wan to soil my bedsheets. the next thing i noticed was someone was knocking on my door, dat woke me up, and i found the block caretaker of my opposite block stood outside. he offered me some candles and informed me dat we r not going to have any power supply tonight too. "too?" i thought to myself, so i anticipated dat the blackout should took place from 2004. yup..i was right...as he shown me the small t-light candles he was offering...i shown him the big candle i have with my name on it (yeah~! ZOI candle)...haha...

anyway, i told him dat i was customised to live in the dark or little light conditions since young...all thankz to my blind maternal grandmother...i observed her actions of looking for objects and way in the house, and tried them out myself...this is a very useful skill. also, when i was only ard with her in the house at night, we normally dun on any lights to save power. so i often play my toys or do my things in little light conditions, except for school work...of coz. this is also why i wore specs, i guess...haha...

here's the tip to find ways in dark:
1st key - keep a mental picture in ur mind.
picture a mental photograph of ur house, then feel for objects dat u can recognise 1st, then use it as a reference to find the rest of the things in the house.
2nd key - feeling
to look for a certain object, try to recall the feeling of it, when u touch it; size, texture of the object, the cuttings, surface moisture and smoothness level, etc..
3rd key - remember the combo of steps and direction.
count the no. of steps and the rough direction/s dat can lead u from 1 place to another.
4th key - keep the location of things u place and shift in key areas only.
5th key - use sound as reference.
if u hear water dripping, dat means u could be in the kitchen or toilet. if something dropped in ur house, u can gauge how far is it and from dere guess wat object has dropped.

ha...after i rejected his kind offer, i found dat the power supply in the toilet and kitchen were back, so i took a good long shower and setup my laptop in the kitchen. a while after i settled down in my kitchen, a technican came and asked me to check my room for power supply. YEAH~! and now i am here blogging again...haha... :)

"always carry a candle in ur mind and heart. one day, when ur world darkens, they will be useful."
"if ppl in the past can survive without electricity, we are no exception too."
"light the world of others, with ur candle."


+ BL updated @ 4:40 AM

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:: Year 2005 is here ::

today, i waved gdbye to 2004 and embraced 2005. i spent my last moments of 2004 and first day of my 2005 with my poly frenz in SPSU again. they booked 6 hrs straight of ktv session dat cost $25/hr and invited me along at the very last minute, juz when i wanted to spend it sleeping in my hostel...to me, be it happy yr, public holiday, anniversary or birthdays, together with family/frenz or alone, as long i'm happy with my life, this is the most important.

the ktv session was quite enjoyable. in fact, i like ktv sessions alot too, but juz dat always have problems reading some of the "fan ti zi", older chinese characters. when i finally joined dem at cuppage plaza at 9pm, i saw something dat i dun like, beer. i really dislike beer alot among all alcohol types; foamy, bitter and so much gas. i dun like carbonated drinks too, maybe dat's i dun like beer. rice, white & red wines, on the other hand, are my all-time favourite. thru the 6 hrs, plus the 1 hr complementary we got, the most of the guys kept on buying and drinking. while the gers, a few who dun like beer and me, kept singing and taking photos. in the end, i started to notice dat 3 of them were really drunk and drank beer, like water during water parade. so i forced myself to drink more than i normally drink too.

the limit i set for myself is the most 1 glass or can per day, ever since i got really drunk 2 yrs ago. it was also another ktv session with my unit buddies. the 2sgt got really high, brought really alot of beer and kept asking us to bottoms up. dat night, 5 of us drank at least 12 jugs of beer. after dat, i knew i was drunk, i juz thought of the things dat i felt without caring abt anything else, dat i normally do. i couldnt really walk straight, heat was emitting from my chest and with a heavy mind. there were a few moments dat i sat down, and trying to clear and focus my mind. when i went back, i vomited alot out. i could feel my stomach contracting so much, as if it wanted to get rid of every drop of fluid inside. the pain was very unbearable and with a strench, acidic smell too. i wonder why am i wasting my time and money drinking all these, in exchange of pain and suffering. furthermore, i dun gain from thing from it, no matter how much and often i drink them. dat is the moment dat i set a beer limit on myself.

okay back to how i spend my new yr day. after the ktv session was over, all of us went to the nearest 24-hr foodcourt near YMCA, to have our supper. along the way, the few sober ones had a hard time trying to get the 3 drunkards over. they were like animal dat juz released from the zoo; 1 nearly got hit by a car, 2 almost fell down a flight of stairs, 1 raised his voice to a security guard, 1 wanted to jump over the railings and many more.

despite all such dangerous acts, they also did some funny things too; one grabbed a "wet floor" sign and pass to the other. the other hugs the sign very tightly, until i pulled it out from him and returned to its original spot. then they challenged each other to walk straight, by following a few straight lines on the floor. the sign grabber who proposed dat he wanted to eat "kway chap" at the foodcourt and asked me wat he wanted to eat after a few mins. the sign luver, kept repeating the same things over and over again. luckily, i took care of the most tamed one, he was very co-operative to all the things i told him to do.

after a long struggle, at last, we reached the foodcourt. 2 of them were busy trying to vomit outside, while the other one became sober after his supper. what a relief~! something gross happened to me while i was comforting the sign lover. when he was vomitting, he turned his face to my direction. some of his vomit landed on my sandals, his mucus splattered my face and his right hand are grabbing my leg very tightly. i was too concern abt his mucus on my face than to feel the pain, then i noticed tears rolled down from his eyes. i guess he was having more pain than i had the other time. so instead of wiping his mucus off me, i wiped his tears 1st. after vomitting, he felt very much better and slept on a pillar, behind him. finally, got my chance to clean my face and have my supper. the supper was not very enjoyable, as i kept recalling the mucus. it was really torturing my mind... felt like puking also... then another accident took placed, a middle-age malay uncle had a trip by a small step, bang on the glass door and landed flat on the floor. he remained motionless for a few seconds. being at 1 of the nearest tables to the door, my fren and i immediately dashed over, to check how is he. when we went over and ask how was he, he got up by himself and gave us a gd hand sign. dat's a gd relief~! i checked if he got suffering any visible physical injuries, by scanning thru him. at the same time, my fren picked up his bag and handled over to him.

after the supper, we went to a fren's place to KO till afternoon. with blessing of a very nice cosy weather, the sleep was very peaceful for me. ha..actually...i can sleep with peace almost everytime like a log. next, we went for a famous "ba cho mee" in geylang area. during the meal, an average-looking uncle approached me and said alot of nice things to me. telling me dat i will have gd fortune in these 2 yrs, will strike rich in lottery and shares, and even become famous. he given me a small 22k gold plate to me and kept on saying dat i will have gd fortune etc. during dat moment, i finally realised dat having gd fortune is not the most important in my life, as wat i told myself very yrs back. all i wan is to stay happy and healthy, spread my joy to my family, friends and even ppl ard me. i wan them to be happy and healthy too. be it whether is dat uncle is a fortune teller or conman, i returned the plate back to him and glad dat he would spend his time on me. so whether wat he said is true anot, we should see in the next 2 yrs, but it doubt it will come true, as i dun invest in shares or try my luck in lottery...maybe my dad will...haha...

"do not believe too much in the things u hear, until u see it urself."
"one should always be able to differentiate between opportunities and temptations. opportunities will get u rewards in ur future, while temptations will leave u with nothing or take away things from you. there are often cases where both come together."
"when u set rules to urself, u will be flexible to give enough allowance for it based on situation u face."
"not all rules are applicable to all situations. if they dun, try modifying them abit or even change them totally."


+ BL updated @ 9:46 PM

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