:: Thoughts of the day ::

"Luv needs 2 person to write a story... it will come to an end soon when only 1 person is writing and the ink runs out..."

"Luv is like gardening... it needs care from time to time... the frequency depends on which type of flowers it blooms..."

+ BL updated @ 11:42 PM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

"Tear of the clown - those who knows me, see my smiles... those who stand close, see my tears..."

+ BL updated @ 1:29 AM

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:: lost abit... but gain so much ::

finally when to visit my cousin since she discharged... on this trip, i brought some lemons for her to detoxic in the morning... oh ya, i heard dat every morning b4 u brush ur teeth... drink a cup of water mixed with a freshly-squezzed lemon can help to remove the toxic dat inside ur digestive system... maybe can try if u wan... well, i bought some to try myself too... keke... not only dat, i gave her a electrical massager dat i got from csc clubrm (well...i haf asked meitoon liao...keke..). when my cousin saw it, she will terribly thrilled... according to her, she has been sparing thoughts to buy one for herself for quite sometime. i haf not seen her so happy b4 since she received the news dat she contacted cancer... and the 11-day stay in the hospital has been quite depressing for her too... hopefully, this device will help to ease her pain and promotes her blood circulation...

not only dat... i became the centre of attraction of my niece and 2 nephews... oh yes, as their maths tutor too... keke... was quite surprised dat i can still remember the basic fundamental of bearings too (bearings are reported in 3-digit and we start from the northing of the reference to the destination, in a clockwise direction)... also, solved a primary 6 question... quite interesting and i shall share it here...

Qn: Wat is the average of 2,4,6, 8...1000?

i'm not sure dat my proposed method is the best and it still gives the actual answer... i guess i will have to pay more visits to them more often... especially the eldest one, she will be taking N lvl maths and O lvl maths this yr... from wat i can see, her std today can only pass N lvl but not likely to clear her O lvl...

another interesting event took place when i was playing with the 6 dogs in her house... my cousin's husband bought some chicken wings for us to share... suddenly, i kinda became the attention of the doggies too... -.- ok ok... it's the chicken wing dat i'm holding became their attention...happy? :P after i cleared the meat, i happily threw 2 bones onto the floor and the best 2 doggies get the bones... keke... got better understanding of "it's a doggy dog's world out dere." when i was abt to throw the 3rd piece... i was stopped by my cousin... she said, i got to remember which dog dat i fed juz now. or else next time... those doggies dat din receive any bone this time will be hostile or ignored me totally on my next visit... ops~! i neglected this pt and couldnt recall which 2 doggies got the 2 bones... jialat, this time chiam liao... i din know dat would happen... well... since my cousin knows them the best, i passed the remaining bones to her and let her do the feeding... it's was so heart-warming to see how all the dogs were so well-tamed and how they luv my cousin... i guess these doggies were my cousin's emotional estacsy ba... i nearly had an urge to keep a pet doggy also... their eyes... oh... can really soften my heart...

+ BL updated @ 1:12 AM

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:: Voices from the cloud 3 ::

I have a broken heart,
with memories I cant never part...

I cannot fix this heart,
with a deep wound and so many cuts...

I fear to touch this heart,
without any guts...

So who will heal my heart,
i dun seem to have any luck...

- bryan lee, 24th july 2005

+ BL updated @ 2:30 AM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

"A big tree or a garden of flowers" - bryan lee, 22 july 05

ha... anyone can try to see wat am i thinking tonite?? :)

+ BL updated @ 1:29 AM

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today, after 7 years, i went up to mount faber alone... it has changed so much, as compared with the 1st time i were dere when i was 8yo, on a jogging session with my uncle and auntie. even the view from the top has changed, more and more green patches been taken away to make rm for bricks and concretes... to me, the best timings to visit mount faber is between 6pm-8pm... at 6+pm, where the sun is slowly setting off, the view is coated with golden rays and u can get to see further than under a hot sun... at 7+pm, where the moon fully took over the sky, all the lights and lamps seem to be like shiny diamonds spread across our land... on a windy weather, mount faber is a very gd place to linger ard too, the sounds of the gentle wind smoothes the soul and mind...

however, it is the beauty of mount faber, magnifies the imperfection within me...yup, i felt alonely... it is the place where i left most of my sad memories and tears during my secondary sch period... it's been so long, so i guess no point to mention them in my blog, else will flood my whole blog... each time when i went up dere, the degree of sadness became more and more intense... it's not dat i cant forgive dat wat has happened to me, but it's mainly i cant forget them, my precious memories... maybe dat is why, i did not want to go up dere after so long... another likely reason is my pace in life doubles up when i entered poly, where my social life expands...

when i went up dere today, all my past memories rushes into my mind and nearly choked my senses... similiarly, my purpose to go up dere is to leave some memories but not to cry... it's not dat i dun wan to, it's i cant... after i sorted out my emotions, i stroll all the way without turning my head back at all... till next time, my dearest mount faber... hopefully, i wun go dere alone ever again so soon...

when i reached home, dinner was just ready. ha... perfect timing, as wat i thought... as i opened the rice cooker, the steam revealed the rice... i stood dere motionless for a few sec... i saw a pile of leftover rice stacked on top of the freshly cooked rice... a sad feeling creeps into my heart, as a smile appeared on my face and my eyes narrow in... it's been so long and far, yet so familiar to me... this is the feeling of home i thought... wat pinches my heart more is i missed both my grandmothers. coz only with them ard, i would get to see leftover rice being mixed with freshly steamed rice together in the rice cooker... poly, army and staying in hostel has taken this scene away from my life for so long... ha... yup, i can get moved by small things like this quite easily... if u ever catch me, stood motionless for a few sec... very likely, something muz haf reminded me of my past, dat i missed so much...

+ BL updated @ 12:02 AM

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:: cs chalet... ::

yo yoz... been quite a quite since i update my bloggy... coz been at cs camp chalet... the fun and warmth of cs events are never the least but this time round, i got some food poisoning as well... swayz... keke... likely to be yesterday's lunch dat i ate...

this time round, for da 1st time, i cooked chilli crab for my beloved oc of the camp. this is the 1st time dat anyone outside my family get to taste this dish of mine... i was glad dat they enjoyed it too. however, it's a pity dat, xiaoying, linus, lydia, shouhan, daniel, mervyn, lionel, dave, ying chao, ya li, xinyi, yihua & joy did not manage to turn up for our oc steamboat dinner... it's quite a surprise dat both grp 3 and 4 had a chalet next to us too, and it was quite a gd chance for me to know some of them too...

the next day was the councillor bbq, we ordered our food mostly from zhen fa, while we get other stuff from mervyn and grp3. dat nite, i made fried bee hoon and almond jelly for the councillors... to my disappointment, i think i lost my touch on the fried been hoon and it din turn out the best or even the average dat i can do... will go & train on it more... as for the almond jelly, was glad dat alot of ppl were fighting for it... after the bbq, i had a fun mahjong session, dat i nearly laughed until i cry... oh ya, careless me lost zip's key to his bicycle chain and got everyone to hunt for the key when we were checking out... will get him a new one asap...

will look onwards for an oc outing sometime within the next 2 weeks... :)

+ BL updated @ 7:42 PM

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:: Fullmetal panic, the 2nd raid is out... ::

finally, 1 of my favourite anime is released for fans to dl...keke...& it's none other than fullmetal panic, the 2nd raid... this is their 3rd season & according to Perry, this season is heading towards the serious & action-packed direction, like their 1st series. personally, i still prefer their fumoffu series, whereby i can laugh until dere is no 2mr...keke... fumoffu is indeed the funniest anime series dat i ever watch b4... however, i dun haf the complete series... think i missed 1-2 episodes in between...

currently, i am dling 2nd raid using bit torrent and the transfer rate is slow like snails...sian... 1 week!! so long!! sian...

+ BL updated @ 6:37 PM

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:: Thoughts of the day... ::

"A rose seems to be the most beautiful when rooted to the ground, than to be plucked out... Forcefully plucking it out, will only shorten the life of the rose and get ur hands cut by the thorns..." - bryan lee, 16th july 2005

"Men are like rubber bands - the harder you pull, the further they fly."

+ BL updated @ 4:05 PM

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was watching Superstar juz now & found this nice song, which i find the lyrics fit in nicely to how i feel now... to my surprised, i actually haf this song but din treasure it so much as b4... it's so nice dat i made it my current blog song... here goes the lyrics...

歌曲名称：远走高飞
作词：蔡伯南　作曲：蔡伯南　编曲：王豫民

爱你错了吗　为什么会受到这么多惩罚　
他们说的话像针往心里扎
我心中的怕　不知该怎么做才可以放下
只不过想好好的爱一次啊

＃带我远走高飞　不去理会
这一个蜚短流长的世界佈满虚伪　
是你让我选择沉醉　繁星守候月不能睡
只因为爱上了夜的黑
带我远走高飞　一起去追
有一个叫做幸福的世界没有泪水　
我已经感觉到疲累　只想在你怀抱入睡
不在乎别人眼中是非

重新再出发　能不能让这天地不再吵杂
我的心里面安静得不像话
故事的真假　没有多余的力气去分辨他
只不过想好好的爱一次啊

Repeat ＃ twice

taken from: http://www.yemusic.com/showgeci.asp?Lyricid=17076DD75BDA

also, out of the blue... my brother asked me out for lunch near my neighbourhood. to my surprise, my 2nd uncle, 3rd uncle, 2 cousins and brother-in-law of my 1st uncle came too... i felt the warmth of kinship very much juz now, though it's juz a simple dinner... coz we juz meet up during special occasions only... they started their discussion abt local issues, but i din speak much, due to my deficiency in hokkien... so i kept quite quiet and still absorbing wat they were toking abt attentively... after all, my status and experience in life is the least among all of them. one thing for sure, both my cousins and my brother are very gd jokers... it was quite a heartful experience for me...

+ BL updated @ 2:34 PM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

"Time can heal all wounds, but it can never heal the scars, except the day we are reduced to dust..." - bryan lee, 12th dec 2005

+ BL updated @ 8:59 AM

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this song is 1 of my favourite songs, it expressed how i feel for quite a couple of times in my life... i found this song when i was looking for a suitable song for my 1st blog skin abt 8 months ago... when i heard this song for the 1st time, i din really catch my much of my attention... then after a couple of times later, slowly it was able to bring out the emotions out from me... also, the emotions get more and more intensed... later, i also found out dat the lyrics seems to be like a poem and was very impressed by the composer... in the end, i chose it as my 1st blog song...

if u wished to listen to this song, u can get it from : http://rip1furr.blogspot.com/

Say It Isn't So
Artist: Gareth Gates

Skies are dark it's time for rain
Final call you board the train
Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye to yesterday
Wipe the tears you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby, you don't love me anymore

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Ten to five at least we tried
We're still alive but hope just died
As they close the door behind you
Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I never found you

How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Miles and miles to go before I can say,
Before I can lay my love for you to sleep
Oh, darling oh I got miles and miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear
Me laugh again

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so [2x]
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Taken from: http://www.lyricslyricsandlyrics.com/l/212976

+ BL updated @ 6:08 AM

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:: Traumatizing... ::

today after can project collection, i joined a few grp2 members to look for Perry at Toa Payoh. he was doing some sales of scented candles in conjuction as part of an event for his gen acts camp. the sales is to recover for the $70 camp fees (takai desu yo!) dat they each have to pay for the camp... therefore, going down to support him can as least lighten the camp fee for them. since friday, i was not been feeling well due to lack of sleep, while making an handicraft. yup...sometimes, i will make handicrafts and they are kinda like puzzles to me...it really feels very gd after u managed to make them out nicely...though there are many failures in between... i think my condition got much worst after staying at the extremely cold macdonald dere, while waiting for Perry to be ready for dinner. also, 1 of his fren joined us too (i think i was too tired to recall his name)... but i think i was rather rude and anti-social to him (ya..i know...i'm feeling quite bad...), becoz i was really not in gd conditions... in the end, i only ate half of the food dat i ordered, but drank quite alot of water...

after the dinner when Perry and his fren left, i remembered dat i need cotton wool for my handicraft. hence, i proposed to the rest to hunt it with me... in the process, i can feel the high tide within my bladder and i went to the nearest toilet i can find. while walking into the toilet, a man at abt late 30s caught my attention as he was standing still infront of the mirror. thru the mirror, i can see him smiling at me. as i din wear my specs, i looked at him a little longer, in case he happened to be 1 of my relatives... in the end, he is juz a stranger... so i ignored him and headed straight to the urinal. at the same time, the movement of dat man caught my attention... he went to the urinal on my left and i sensed something wrong is going to happen to me... yup, my hunch was right... dat man kept looking at my *u know where*, while i see some funny movements inside his urinal from my side view of my eye. my heart seems to beat faster and i was totally traumatized! seems dat i have drank too much water and regret it very much... every sec seems like ages to me... i can feel a few ppl done with their detoxication and left... i'm more worried dat only me and him will be left inside the toilet... i kept my head and eyes down all the time, while stealing some peeps to see what dat fellow is doing. yesh...his eyes were still on me with a cheeky smile and i can see the funny movements inside his urinal. then i noticed dat he was not peeing at all!! he kept his body very close to the urinal, revealing a small part of opening towards my side... i know dat he has bad motives on me, i felt sick even more and want to leave dat place very much... but my bladder juz have too much water to clear... finally at last, i was done... i quickly went to wash my hands and left the toilet like a bullet... i wanna go to find Perry but noticed his booth was too far away... in the end, i got lost in Toa Payoh central... after calming myself down and i tried to recall the landmarks dat i came across juz now... regreting for juz following the crowd earlier... at last, i saw watsons and rushed in to find the rest of grp2 members...wat a relief~! my alertness was activated to the max afterdat and nearly 4got abt my fever and cough... as soon as i managed to buy the cotton wool, we headed straight home... all the way, i kept looking ard, in case dat person turned out to be a stalker too... home seems to be the place i missed so much... phew~! sick~! sian~! traumatized~!

+ BL updated @ 3:32 AM

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"Only wat we intend to do at present will surely affect our future, while not let our past affect our future..." - bryan lee, 11th july 2005

+ BL updated @ 3:04 AM

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Gazing up the sky, i see a white cloud.

Reminds me of a story, that i want to say out loud.

Watching upon me everyday, from high up above.

Ensures my life, is filled with love.

Following me, where ever i run.

Protects me, from the harmful rays of the sun.

Bringing a rainbow, after every rain.

Beautifies my world, while easing my pain.

Asking my dearest one, will you be my white cloud??

- Bryan Lee, 11 July 2005

+ BL updated @ 12:01 AM

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:: The smiling moon... ::

for the past 2 nights, i always been seeing the moon dat seems to be form a smiling mouth... i can vividly remember the last time i saw it on my birthday last yr... it was the only birthday dat i spent it all by myself in recent yrs... i guess it is the most alonely one dat i ever spend in my life... becoz i was resting inside pgp to recover from ethelonter camp 2004... yup, i spent the whole day sleeping inside my rm and only woke up at nite... on my way back home, i gazed upon the moon & it was the 1st time i ever see the moon dat seems to be smiling at me... i thought to myself dat the moon knows it was my birthday and so it decided to give me a smile... when i reached home, no one in my family remembers it was my birthday at all. well... i was not surprise at all, coz no one in my family actually bothers abt birthday... sometimes my mother will mention something when my brother's birthday is near, my brother will remind me of my dad and mother birthday, my step-mother will surely celebrate my sister's birthday... as for mine, i am not sure... well... it never really bother me at all, after all i already received my birthday greetings from the moon already and it's the best birthday present i received too... :)

I would say my birthday this yr is one of the best after my 21st birthday... my 21st birthday was the best, nearly 100 of my frenz from secondary sch and poly(yup...frenz from all the clubs dat i joined except my 1st one) came for the BBQ dat i organised. my 22nd birthday were spent in outfield, everyone was too tired to bother. my 23rd birthday was spent during my army unit company celebration, my oc announced all the june babies in my company but 4got to list me out... as we were singing the birthday song to them, i was very depressed but yet have to act normally. some of the specs who know abt my birthday, actually came to ask me after the celebration. my response was to put it off with a smile and act normally. keke...the gd thing was my oc found it out later and asked my company 2ic to apologise to me, in return i got some leave out from it. well, this yr... i spent it inside the Ethelonter camp 2005...almost all the OCs came to sing me a birthday song and i get to eat a chocolate cake... dat's not all yet, they even prepared 105 water bombs to throw at me during sentosa day... keke... so if u ever think dat ur birthday is not spent gd enough, well...at least...hopefully it shouldnt be as bad as mine... :)

well... i guess only near june & july period, i can get to see the smiling moon again... seeing the smiling moon will remind me of this song below... pls enjoy... :) listening to this song has made my heart teared with smile on my face for quite a couple of times b4... a bitter-sweet song...

离人
歌手名称：林志炫 词曲：作词:厉曼婷 作曲:何家文 编曲:林庭逸 韩贤光

银色小船摇摇晃晃弯弯 悬在绒绒的天上
你的心事三三俩俩蓝蓝 停在我幽幽心上
你说情到深处人怎能不孤独 爱到浓时就牵肠挂肚
我的行李孤孤单单散散惹惆怅 离人放逐到边界
彷彿走入第五个季 节昼夜乱了和谐 潮氾任性涨退
字典里没有春天 离人挥霍着眼泪 回避还在眼前的离别
你不敢想明天 我不肯说再见
有人说 一次告别天上就会有颗星又熄灭

taken from : http://www.yemusic.com/showgeci.asp?Lyricid=A59F85FE61D3

+ BL updated @ 10:41 PM

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:: Quantity vs Quality... ::

today, i had a short conversation abt quantity vs quality with Perry, while on our way to meet the rest of the grp2 ppl. wow... was impressed by the great turnout of the freshies... 7/8, 1 strucked in nussu camp... well, dat's not the main pt, dat i wanna tok abt here...

this kinda reminded me of my past, when i was in my poly... i was a fren of the 4 of the major clubs in SP; CADC, CLS club, SPSU and CSSC... SAC, the building where housed these 4 clubs was filled with numerous amount of frenz... during my 1st yr, i sticked closely to CADC... till now, i would said most of my leadership skills were picked up from dere... then in my yr 2, thru the influences of some frenz, i joined the CLS club camp and easily became 1 of their MC... as soon as, the news of me being their MC spread... the distance between CADC & me widens... also, i created some doubts among some of CLS members, as i became their MC too easily within 1-2months being active and it was kinda of a torture for me. luckily, i was support by my own OG during the camp, Orion... after dat, my circle of fren within SAC din stop dere... i became as gd fren of SPSU and CSSC, thru tutoring 3 juniors of my course... and i hang ard with them quite often almost everyday... my remaining poly life were spent playing carrom after my lessons, then join them for dinner and back home to mirc with them again. thru joining so many clubs in poly, made me understand dat "in life, we can only have either quality and quantity, but never both.". even as a gd fren of SPSU, i can only stick closely with only a portion of their overall manpower, due to internal conflicts... as for CADC, i became a hi-bye fren to them... for CLS, my terms with them got very much better after i stepped out of the MC... till today, i still keep in touch with SPSU frenz but still our contact is slowly on the downstream...

i have been going for quantity over quality during then... as for now on, i will be going more for quality, this is the main reason why i sided totally towards CSC after attending CACS camp... only in CSC, i am able to find both quantity(just nice for me to handle) and quality friends... the whole club regards every members as its own family and the culture is very gd... everyone care and spare a thought for each other... i really felt the warmth and sense of belonging in CSC... people here do not backstrab and are quite honest with each other... yesh~! i am glad to be an Ethelonter...

i even told Perry dat over time... quantity friendships will be washed away from our thoughts and wat remains is juz hi-bye frenz... so quantity memories are too common to us and not able to engrave deep into our mind. as for quality friendships, due to the great amount of effort invested in to maintain it, it will stay in our thoughts longer and sink in deep into our heart...

the amount of attention and time of each person is limited, but the no. of parties to share is unlimited... we can only remember the people dat we gave in the most, longer over the common ones... whether the receiving party is appreciative and response back, dat will be another side of the story... also, over time... the amount of effort will accumulate and grow too... provided consistancy is dere...

+ BL updated @ 1:07 AM

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:: Love Tuner... ::

+ BL updated @ 10:52 AM

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Sat alone on his chair,
with music playing in the air...
Quietly listening to his heart,
a sad feeling pierced, thru like a dart...

Painted a beautiful picture,
with no one he could feature...
Closed his eyes, to feel his mind,
still no one, he can perfectly find...

Composed a smoothing song,
with lyrics added, seems so wrong...
Free his thoughts, to seek his soul,
found it there, all alone and so cold...

- bryan lee, 8 july 2005

+ BL updated @ 12:35 AM

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:: A nice swim... ::

since yesterday, i went for grp6 (Agapo, their grp name. 1 of the 8 grps in Ethelonter camp 2005; Romi, Thermos, Chara, Pathos, Zilos, Agapo, Symponia & Thysia), as they invited the whole of grp9 (the central cell of the camp). since i went dere rather late, so i stayed over at their chalet and we have alot of fun making the silent heart-attack... keke...

then today, i went to enjoy the pool and jacuzzi dere... the dip was pretty stress-relieving and relaxing, though i went dere alone... after a while, came a grp of 4 kids (13yo, 11yo, 9yo and 6yo)... and i observed dat their slang was pretty foreign... from dere i deduced dat they shouldnt be local... din wanna spolit much of their fun, i tried to keep a safe distance from them...till i went into the jacuzzi... i was dere 1st and suddenly 1 of 1, they each jumped into the jucuzzi and splashed water on me. lol...for once, i thought i was being bullied by kids and din really wanna spolit their fun, i smiled back... least did i expect, it gave them the ok signal to splash more water on me... after a while, they started befriending me... keke... we started playing with the slide, doing some stunts inside the pool and exchanged information with each other... never did i expect dat i can actually make frenz with them...keke...they are Shaley, Shawey, Sharey (i hope i get the 3 sisters' names spelt correctly) & Jeremy... all are here for summer holiday for 2 months in sg... oh boy, the 3 sisters r pretty gd in water...they seems so natural and talented...maybe they can try going for synconised swimming next time... keke... i was ultimately impressed by all the stunts they can performed for me...

sadly, while playing with them...Jeremy had a fall and received a heavy impact on the back of his head... he cried all the way and seem unable to move at all... i was traumaized and told the sisters to send their cousin to their mum... even till he was delivered dere, he kept lying down... knowing dat he is in gd hands now, it was abt time for me to go... while informing dat i gonna make my leave, 1 of the sisters actually gave me a pitiful look on her face... i was glad dat 1 of them actually asked for my email addy too... keke... i guess they enjoyed playing with me...

after my shower, i went back to check on Jeremy and found dat him running ard happily... which lightened my mood abit... it's really quite an interesting experience for me i guess... keke... with my little friends...

+ BL updated @ 12:23 AM

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:: My little sista... ::

with only 1.12m tall and 5yo, she is like the little princess in our family and... wait~! seems dat i'm going the direction of writing a compo... lol... ok... no, i'm not going to do dat... i'll stick to my usual style...

ya...today, i'm going to tok abt my younger sista... i was kinda traumatized by the way, she woke me up today... whenever she saw me sleeping in my room, she will find her way to sleep beside me... today, she did her usual routine and kept calling out..."this is my "lao gong"(hubby)...". for a moment, i thought i was still dreaming, but after awhile...i knew i was not... i woke up and give her some informative talk. coz this could be the 1st step for brother complex to develope... this is not the 1st time dat such similiar incident took place...there was once she claimed dat she would want to marry me when she goes grow up... also, there were a few times, she planted several kisses on my cheeks while i was sleeping. ok...for the kissing part, i can regard as an expression on how she adores me. however, i still see a need to stop her. quite a few times, i tried to educate her dat siblings cant get married... but everytime, she would be shy and run away... i guess i'll wait till she get older, then tell her more... else, incest will occur...

as for my part, it's clear cut dat i only regard her as my own sista... keke... ok, lemme think on the bright side dat at least she is not doing dat to my dad and elder brother too... watching after her has indeed gave me some experience in parenting... lol...

at least, i am always the one she would look for whenever she feel sad... this kinda reminded me of a recent incident dat happened last friday... i was sleeping on my bed and i was bothered by her crying sound... as i would normally expect, she should have be beaten up by her mum again... out of my expectation, she tripped and fell onto me, while her cries grew louder... as duty of a brother, i got up and hugged her. after she quiet down, i found my leg was bleeding non-stop...guess she have cut me by chance... and not only dat...the impact of her fall, sprained my left leg and it is still in pain now... :(

+ BL updated @ 6:19 AM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

All abt life...some chips of my thoughts...

"Our lives are made bitter, in order to appreciate the sweetness of life..."

"To compare is part of a human nature. Through comparing, we can tell the differences and make improvement for better of self..."

"If our lifespan is like a candle, it would shorten faster as we get agitated..."

"People who follow wherever the wind goes, will ultimately find themselves left on the ground like leaves..."

"It's impossible to treat everyone equally in this world. Just like ur fingers...they can never be all of the same length naturally..."

"When people make a mistake, the fool will only mock, while the wise learnt a lesson..."

"People are constantly moving on with their life, but how many realised that we are all moving either on the same spot or in circles..."

"Creativity always tell us to think out of the box, but many ended up thinking inside a bigger box..."

+ BL updated @ 6:47 AM

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:: Made my choice... ::

i guess i cant run away from my cousin visit for too long...today, my other cousin sms me and here it goes...

MingLi: "U coming to visit sis?"
Eclipse(after some thoughts): "2mr morning"
MingLi: "Oh can.. Up to u loh...Don't think she's discharged so fast..."
Eclipse: "How is her conditions and emotion?"
MingLi: "Still need to do op for her urinary passage. But still in pain. She's ok. Sad but ok."
Eclipse lost...and dun know how to reply...hence, the conversation ended...

actually, to visit her is quite an easy thing... but to see her hidding her pain, while keep smiling and joking is a painful thing. it's always part of her nature to do dat, coz she dun want us to worry abt her too much. i guess this runs in the family...i also inherited this behavior too... dat's y i can tell it... she is not juz a cousin to me, coz i always regard her as my elder sister... i hate the feeling when i feel like crying out, but i cant... my tears duct seems to have malfunctioned... all the sadness bottled up and trapped at my eyes... the pressure at the eyes was high and my mind felt heavy, as my visions turned foggy but still no tears... so many yrs have passed... i cant even forced a tear out, whenever i am depressed... not even at my maternal grandma's funeral 6 months ago or the ending day of csc camp... am i still human or juz a piece of flesh walking ard??

well, it's time for me to face it... hopefully, i will be able to see her happy from the bottom of her heart... so i have decided to bring mygameboy advance down to keep her busy, think she will enjoy it... heehee...

+ BL updated @ 4:55 AM

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:: Thoughts of the day ::

everyone needs to find some personal healing methods to heal their body, mind and soul. to be able to achieve it, u need to understand yourself first and convince ur mind, dat it will work.

healing methods used by others may not be workable for you.

if possible use personal healing methods dat are able to heal ur body, mind and soul (eg: sleep, shower and massage). avoid healing methods dat heal some at the expense of others (eg: eating non-stop).

+ BL updated @ 5:57 AM

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oh goosh...i was supposed to go down to visit my cousin today...but, as usual, i woke up late... in the end, my mum visited her on my behalf... immediately after i woke up, i called my mum to check on my cousin's condition. as i expected, sounds of tears and sorrow were heard...my cousin was unable to clear her urine and bowels, coz the tumor has enlarged and obstructed her intestines. So the doctors have actually added a urine bag from her liver, for her to clear her waste. i believe it is considered a blessing for me to miss the appointment, else i cant be able to give her the supports dat she needs... maybe i'll need to sort out my mood for 1-2 days, b4 i go down to visit her...

instead i went to down to cac bash to lighten my mood abit. yup...i was glad dat i went.., it gave me the chance to clear my mind for a while. i have to go coz i promised Perry to down and at the same time, enjoy the dance each group has prepared for us. maybe it's becoz i enjoy seeing mass dance since young...keke... Perry and i felt pity for a grp which is the best but in the end, they din get to win... for a moment after the bash, i was alone...and the thoughts of my cousin came back to me...i nearly wanna walk my way home from orchard, but ended up joining some of the csc 2005 grp 2 members for a bowling match... even though i was always 1 of the bottom few rank, it was still enjoyable for me... hey, u cant expect someone who has not play bowling for 11 yrs to do dat well... i am glad even when i'm blogging at this moment... though they din know of anything or do much for me... i was contented...

frenz, do not worry abt me...keke...i will be alright after a nap or a long walk...it works for me so far and it will continue working for me... also, thankz for all ur concerns...

"I may have a weak and feeble mind, but i have my strong thoughts and workable methods to lead my life." - bryan lee...

+ BL updated @ 5:23 AM

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:: A bad news received... ::

rite after i did my last 2 entries...my bro came into my room and told me dat my cousin is hospitalised. i was shocked and speechless... and wat shocked me even more was she was actually hospitalised 4 days ago...

my cousin was 10 years older than me and my mother regards her as a daughter of her own. maybe coz my mother does not have any daughters at all. therefore, to me, she is my eldest sister. i still can vividly remember the times when i stayed over at her place during my secondary sch holidays. she taught me how to play mahjong, many other poker card games and we would try our best to complete as many super intendo games as possible. she always praise me of my talent in playing super mario...keke...after i got into poly onwards, my contacts with her reduced...nevertheless, i would pay her a visit during my exam period to take a short break from my studies...she is quite a capable joker and never fails to crack me up...if u ever wonder how come i am so crappy, she is the mentor...she told me b4 dat, "no matter how u choose ur life, life still goes on. so why not choose a happy life..."

only last dec, when i 1st heard dat she contacted cancer... then the following day, my bro and i went to visit her. from her appearance and behavior, she tried to be calm and as normal as she can, but there are times where i caught her frowning and sweating non-stop. even at my maternal grandmother's funeral, she was still displaying the similar signs. to verify my doubts, i asked her whether she was in pain and she admited it. since young, she have been a smoker, refused to eat vegetables and have irregular sleeping habits. hence, after years of abusing her body, the tree of pain has finally fully-developed... the tree has even scattered little seeds of pain in most of my family members from my mother side, even i was not spared. though there r times, when i would fear to receive the news of losing her one day. i would recall wat she told me b4 and lead my life the way i want to be. i also strongly believe dat she would not want to see me in pain for her too. i should not be sad when i see her later...i must not... :)

+ BL updated @ 4:12 AM

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Finally after 6 months of viewing a baby blue and white blog skin, i have decided to change it to a black and dark theme. my favourite colors are actually blue, white and black, while my prefered colors are green, purple, orange and yellow. maybe next time, my later blog skins will be using my prefered colors.

my previous blog skin tells a sad story. it reflected a girl missing a boy, while holding on to a gem, as she cried. at the background, "Say it isnt so" by Gerath was being played. to me, this song depicts a great amount of hope for the lost lover to be back again. if you wanna see my 1st blog skin, it is still available at rip1furr.blogspot.com

currently, the new story of my new blog skin is still in the planning stage...will update u guys once i get it done...keke...btw, i still got a blog skin testing page at fallingfurr.blogspot.com

yup...if u r sharp enough, you should be able to tell why i name my blog sites as "falling", "fallen" & "RIP1". falling is the processing state, fallen is the end or current state, and rip1 means retired state. ha...i still got a couple of secrets left here and dere in my blog, see if u can catch them anot...happy hunting...keke...

+ BL updated @ 3:51 AM

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when i woke up this morning, i felt my head is spinning quite badly. my body dun seem to want to get up at all, no matter how long i slept...as far as i remember, my little sister, huihong came and slept beside me quite a couple of times. in the end, i found myself waking up at 4+pm. rite after my so-call-late lunch and updated my blog skin at 6+pm, i tuck myself into my bed again and slept all the way till 9+pm.

i know dat i dun feel well and i am also tired no matter how long i sleep. i do feel sick but still my mind is very clear. i get cold when i get direct wind contact from my fan and my body did not sweat at all. hence, i covered myself with my blanket to force out some sweat, but found myself unable to sleep now...it's already 4am on my clock and i'm still actively blogging...lol...

i believe the root of the problem lies with me caught in a small rain yesterday evening, while heading from YIH to EH. next, i headed back to csc clubrm and enjoyed the air-con to dry off my body. now i understand why my maternal grandmother will always force me to go to take a shower, whenever i got wet in a rain...

+ BL updated @ 3:35 AM

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